


REVENGE

by Song_of_the_Black_Wolf



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Crack, Humor, Other, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 14:35:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11671032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Song_of_the_Black_Wolf/pseuds/Song_of_the_Black_Wolf
Summary: Eren makes one short joke to many at the Captain's expense.





	REVENGE

_What kind of imbecile forces a fifteen year old shitty brat to attend a boring as fuck military financial meeting?_ Levi thought as Commander Nile Dok of the Military Police Brigade droned on and on about . . . well, Levi didn’t know what because he wasn’t paying attention.  He was just as bored, if not more so, than the fidgety teenager seated beside him.  _Fuck that; what kind of imbecile invites someone like me to a boring as fuck military financial meeting?_

 

Seated on Levi’s right, was Eren Jaeger – titan shifter extraordinaire and ‘Humanity’s Hope’ – trying desperately not to fall asleep. 

 

“Jaeger!”

 

Poor Eren nearly jumped out of his skin as Nile called his name.

 

“I’m sorry, Jaeger.  Am I keeping you awake?” Nile sneered.

 

Eren rubbed his eyes sleepily.  “No, sir.”  Nile smirked and turned to continue his speech when Eren added as an afterthought, “But I guess that’s the problem.”

 

Commander Dot Pixis of the Garrison guffawed loudly and Zoe Hange, Section Commander of the Survey Corps just plain burst out laughing.  “You walked into that one, Nile,” Pixis chuckled.

 

“Aren’t you going to correct the boy, Levi?  He’s your responsibility,” Nile asked.

 

“Nope. I agree with him completely,” Levi replied.

 

Nile groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose before continuing with his speech.  Where is Commander Erwin Smith of the Survey Corps during all of this, you ask?  He’s just sitting there across from Pixis trying to keep a straight face and hoping beyond hope that this is the worst that happens during the meeting.

 

Eren began doodling to keep himself occupied.  Levi was amused by the sketch of Nile Dok with horns and fangs and half lidded crossed eyes saying **“Blah blah blah”**  Levi took the doodle and added some tiny tormented people screaming and tearing at their hair and crying. He wrote under them **“Bored to Tears”**. Eren suppressed a giggle as he added a few dead people and then wrote **“Bored to Death”** under them.  Levi then added titans running away in panic as they evaporated.  Eren added stinky breath lines coming from Nile’s mouth, to which Levi wrote down **“Gross. Funny. But Gross.”** Before adding a patch of wilting flowers and a little pile of shit.

 

Pixis, who was sitting on Levi’s left, was not about to be left out of the fun, so he snatched the paper from Levi and added little blobs of shit spewing from Nile’s mouth as he spoke.  **“He’s just talking shit.”**

 

Levi raised an eyebrow.  **“Not bad”** he wrote.  Eren was having trouble suppressing his laughter. 

 

All of this chicanery did not go unnoticed by Nile. “Perhaps we should take a small break,” he suggested tiredly.  “It’s about time for lunch anyway.”

 

Eren’s jade eyes widened.  “They get to eat **_three_** times a day in the capital??”

 

 

Erwin approached Levi and his squad as they sat in the shade of a large oak tree near the MP headquarters.  He had an amused grin on his face.  “Levi, as entertaining as you, Eren and Pixis are in there, perhaps it would be best if you and Eren sat out the rest of this meeting.”

 

“Thank fucking Sina!” Levi said.  “Come on, everyone.  We’re going back to headquarters.  Zackly mentioned earlier this morning that the heads of the military and several members of the council will be coming by for an inspection – a lame excuse to check on Eren’s progress really, but that’s none of my concern.  Point is, we have clean that castle from top to bottom . . . stables too.”

 

The squad groaned as they gathered their horses and began to follow their captain.  Levi knocked back an entire two pint bottle of milk he’d had with his lunch in one go before preparing to mount his horse.  Eren still had a lot of pent up mischief in his system.  “You know, Captain.  I don’t understand how anyone who drinks as much milk as you do still be so freakin’ small.”

 

Levi froze partway into the saddle.  _Did that shitty little brat seriously just take a pot shot at my height?!_  He settled into the saddle and glanced over at the teenager with his usual bored expression.  “Hilarious,” he deadpanned.

 

Not having received the reaction he wanted, Eren tried again.  “Just think how short you’d be if you didn’t drink any milk at all.”

 

Levi shot the boy a glare.

 

“Oh, Eren!” Mikasa groaned as she covered her eyes and shook her head.

 

“Suicidal bastard,” Jean mumbled just loud enough for everyone to hear.

 

“Indeed,” Levi agreed.  “Tell me, Jaeger, are you trying to provoke me into killing you?”

 

“No, no.  Just sayin’,” Eren said casually.

 

Levi’s steely eyes narrowed.  “You will be punished for this, Eren,” he said quietly and menacingly.  “Not right now, but sometime – maybe tomorrow, or the day after, or some night while you’re asleep – you won’t know when.  I will get you when I have thought of something suitably evil.”

 

Eren just shrugged.  “Okay.”

 

_Cocky little shit!!_ Levi thought.

 

 

The next several days were taken up by cleaning the squad’s headquarters and stables to Levi’s exacting standards.  _If nothing else, at least these little shit stains have finally learned to clean properly.  I don’t even have to tell them to do things over again now,_ Levi pondered.

 

The day of the inspection arrived and all went smoothly.  Levi had his squad in the kitchen preparing dinner for their ‘guests’ while he answered the inspectors’ questions in the dining room.   Once the inspectors were satisfied that Eren had complete control of his titan abilities, Levi stood.  “I’ll have my squad bring dinner in.”

 

The squad had removed their straps and jackets as they worked in the hot kitchen.  As per Levi’s example, the all wore full aprons tied neatly about their waists.  _Too perfect,_ Levi thought.  As the squad brought the trays of food into the dining room, Levi came up behind an unsuspecting Eren, grabbed the boy’s collar and poured a pitcher full of ice down his shirt. 

 

Keep in mind that while Eren’s shirt was not tucked into his pants, the apron tie prevented the ice from falling through.  The teen let out a girlish shriek, his jade eyes impossibly wide as he jumped with surprise.  The tray he’d been carrying was thrown into the air and covered the inspectors and military commanders alike in stew.  That was far from the end of it, however.  Eren’s shriek scared Sasha, who was in front of him, and in her surprise, she threw the water that was in the pitcher she’d been carrying (but miraculously managed to catch the pitcher before it hit the floor and shattered), soaking all in front of her.  Those in front of Sasha collided with each other in alarm and trays of food went everywhere as Eren hopped and danced wildly about trying desperately to get the ice out of his shirt.

 

Eren finally tore the shirt off over his head, apron and all.  “Goddamn that was cold!” he exclaimed.  He then looked around the room, his face turning a deep red as he saw his fallen comrades glaring up at him from the floor and the inspectors and commanders covered in food staring at him like he had five heads.  A meek and pathetic, “sorry,” was all the boy could manage.

 

Levi looked on impassively.  “That’s what you get for making fun of my height,” he said dryly as everyone looked at him in complete shock.  “Eren, you’re going to clean this mess up by yourself if it takes you all night.”

 

Eren hung his head.  “Yes, sir.”

 

At the back of the room, out of harm’s way, stood Pixis.  He had an uncanny knack for seeing trouble coming.  “Well, at least the girl saved that pitcher.”


End file.
